Doctor Who and the Spoilers of Evil

Warning: The following post discusses events from episode 12 of ‘Doctor Who Series 4. Do not read on if you are trying to avoid spoilers for episode 12 – ’The Stolen Earth’. The post does NOT contain spoilers for the finale – ’Journey’s End’’.

This post is about spoilers and in no way tries to create any. So if anyone decides to add a comment claiming they have a spoiler or have worked out the answer to the ‘Doctor Who finale, it will NOT get posted. But, as I will have been exposed to the offending comment in order to delete it, I will track your ISP and hunt you down with a rusty knife. Comprende?

Since last Saturday’s episode of ‘Doctor Who’, I have had a number of people ask me what is happening, in the belief that if anyone would know, it would be me. But, for once, no one seems to know outside of the production team.

To say that Russell T Davies and his band have pulled off a pretty impressive coup would be understating the impact the episode had on an audience conditioned to expect spoilers and pre-publicity to lay out the major plot points and twists in advance. But the shock everyone felt as the Doctor seemingly regenerated, has brought back the thrill of those long gone days when spoilers weren’t an issue and every new episode was completely fresh and new.

For those of you hoping the ‘Journey’s End’ trailer may contain a clue, here it is.

No clues there then.

The History of Doctor Who Spoilers

Spoilers have been with us for as long as media has reported on the most popular television programs. With ‘Doctor Who, spoilers became a common hazard the moment ‘Doctor Who Weekly’ (later ‘Doctor Who Magazine’) started reporting on the production cycle of the program. As a young boy, suddenly I knew which monsters were due to appear in the upcoming series. I knew months in advance that the Doctor would regenerate (from Tom Baker to Peter Davison). Back then, the BBC’s attempts to hide spoilers were rather lame affairs, consisting of hiding the true identity of the villain as an anagram in the ‘Radio Times’ cast listing. Usually, within a day of the ‘Radio Times’ going on sale, some quick-witted fan would have deciphered James Stoker as an anagram of ‘Master’s Joke’, letting us all know to expect Anthony Ainley in an unconvincing disguise, only to reveal himself as the arch-nemesis at an appropriate cliff-hanger.

John-Nathan Turner famously took revenge on the spoiler-makers. During the production of series 21, John was due to be interviewed by various fanzine editors in his office. Before the meeting, John made an addition to the large wall-planner behind him that tracked the production schedule of the series. He added a new story title, one that hadn’t previously been released. A few weeks later, ‘DWB’ published their ‘scoop’ that the penultimate story in the series would be entitled ‘The Doctor’s Wife’. Gary Levy, the editor in question, and JNT had a very uneasy relationship after that.

Recently, Russell T Davies has repeatedly lamented the day when ‘Doctor Who’ contained surprises, when major plot twists remained hidden. With the Series One relaunch of the series, the intention had always been to keep Christopher Eccleston’s regeneration secret. This feeble attempt at subterfuge with a ravenous media lasted all of one week, as The Sun announced Eccleston was leaving in their paper released the morning after the first episode was broadcast. Yup, one day into the new series, and the biggest spoiler was already out.

Russell Learns to Keep a Secret

After this huge failure to protect the series’ secrets, the production team have become more adept and – let’s face it – down right sneaky, to protect their plans. Two years ago, Billie Piper and Russell T Davies were swearing blind that Rose was gone, there was no way back and Billie was ready to move on. All the time, behind all their earnest denials of any plans to bring Rose back, the return was already plotted out. In fact, Rose’s return was planned even before ‘Doomsday’ was shot. Sneaky buggers.

But this time, the team have excelled themselves. Fans around the world choked on their tea and biscuits and leapt to their keyboards within seconds of the closing titles to find out how they could possibly have got it all so wrong.

The Rumour Mill Goes Wild

In the absence of concrete spoilers, the rumour mill goes into overdrive. The most tenuous ideas gain support. Grainy photos shot at a distance of location filming taking place are revisited and analysed for clues. It’s as if some fans just can’t stand the idea of not knowing what happens next. Or, more importantly, not being the first to work it out and gain the respect of their peers for being the clever guy with the inside knowledge.

The truth is, not a single site on the internet seems to have the inside story. Plenty of speculation – the British tabloids have started running their books on who the next Doctor is going to be. (Apparently, Robert Carlyle is odds on favourite). And, inevitably, plenty of fans thinking they have the answer. Lots of statements of “Well, I know David can’t be leaving because…” or “I’ve discovered who the new Doctor is and its…”.

(I’ve decided to spoiler proof the next paragraph in hidden text, just because I couldn’t decide whether it was a spoiler or not. It doesn’t provide an answer, but points out where both sides are drawing their assumptions from – based on well-publicised rumours from weeks ago, which may be enough to annoy some people. I just don’t want to risk putting someone on the right track. Just highlight the text with your mouse to read it.)

The spoiler-obsessed fans (and that should be enough to go after them with blunt instruments) are basing their assumptions on the forthcoming Christmas special. As the special has already finished filming, there are claims from people who witnessed the location filming that David Tennant appears. Of course, this proves nothing, as it could easily be a flash-back. But, then there are also other people claiming that a certain actor, who will remain nameless, was sighted playing the Doctor at this same location filming. (No, I’m not going to link to these rumours.) So who is the Doctor in the Christmas special - Tennant or Mr X? Of course, we can’t know. Two completely opposing stories, both insisting they are right. Aren’t rumours fun?

Ignorance is Bliss

No one knows. No one can possibly know. Everything is just rumour and nothing I have seen or heard even remotely adds up with everything else. This time, the team have really covered their bases and protected their plans from the internet gossiping hoards. No doubt, there has been deliberate obfuscation and probably a few porkies flying around to keep fans off the scent, so don’t believe anything you hear or read, including the above hidden text.

For once, everything really is just rumour, no tabloid has the real story (and don’t they hate that) and fans are dragging up all kinds of rumours and tenuous arguments to try and feel big about themselves.

I’m glad I don’t know what is going to happen this coming Saturday. I’m glad the trailer tells us nothing and there are no clues to be found anywhere. This weekend, I’ll be sitting down with the family completely unprepared and unaware of absolutely anything to be presented in the bumper-length finale episode (65 minutes people!)

After all, do you take a peak under the wrapping paper at Christmas or leave them until the morning? I know which is more satisfying.