Writing the Value Proposition: Part Four - Crafting the Language

“Communication is about getting others to adopt your point of view, to help them understand why you’re excited (or sad, or optimistic or whatever else you are.) If all you want to do is create a file of facts and figures, then cancel the meeting and send in a report..”

Seth Godin

If you read the previous articles in this series, you will know how the marketing team at Netregistry had come up with a structure and message for a new value proposition.

Now the specific language became an issue, as each word was scrutinised, fretted over, debated, put in, taken out and put in again, in a torturous process of drafting and rewriting.

Provide Options

Having established the pieces of the puzzle, I decided the easiest way to continue was to list a few options and allow the team to help select the main contenders. Each option may differ only by a word or two, but deciding on the right words is crucial, as you will see.

I settled on two main approaches and wrote a number of variations on each.

There would also be a tagline under whichever option we chose, based on the qualifying phrase discussed last week.

One of the main problems I faced in finding the words was the clumsy phrase ‘online marketing´, or ‘online business’. Other words, such as ‘ecommerce´, were no better, being cold and ambiguous. Trying to imbue the value proposition with sparkle meant avoiding cold business jargon and clichéd marketing speak, which became a severe limitation in an industry that loves such phrases.

The feedback from the directors was positive, and it was quickly established that the first concept was the most popular. The boss loved the first concept but was unsure about the 'Free' approach. And so the various options were eliminated down to one final contender –

"The online business ideas others copy.
Find a fresher idea anywhere else and we’ll improve it."

That was on the Monday. By the Friday, reservations were appearing.

The boss became uncomfortable with the word ‘copy’, feeling it was too negative an accusation to level at the competition. The phrase ‘online business’ was still bugging me. My marketing manager was also now unsure, wondering whether the line implied we start up online businesses rather than provide existing business with online services. She asked for the word marketing to be reintroduced.

But “The online business marketing ideas that others copy” just made my objection even worse. To compound things, it had been announced to all the staff that the new marketing plan, complete with value proposition would be revealed in 6 days time. Pressure was on.

The Final Brainstorm

I actually took a step back and didn’t think about the value proposition for four days. Other deadlines were pressing and I felt it was important to attack the VP with a completely fresh head.

I eventually returned to the proposition on the following Wednesday, two days before the unveiling of the marketing plan. This time I knew I had to crack it. This one had to be it.

To jump-start the process, I threw down lines onto the page. I resisted tinkering with the existing line – I wanted something new. I wasn’t concerned with right or wrong, good or bad. I was throwing everything down, in search of a word, a phrase that could be extracted and built upon.

• The online ideas for your business our rivals copy
• We lead the way with online ideas for your business. Our rivals follow.
• Ahead of our rivals with online ideas for your business.
• Tomorrow’s online ideas ready for your business today.
• Tomorrow’s online ideas for your business today.

And there it was. The key was in front of me. The last line I typed said everything I wanted while avoiding everything we knew didn’t work. I had hit upon ‘online ideas’ as a better phrase than ‘online marketing’. It tied in with the concept while implying everything Netregistry provides without having to resort to any of the words I was avoiding.

But the key was the contrast of ‘tomorrow’ and ‘today’. Apart from being a common copywriting technique to use opposites or contrasts, these particular words carried deeper implications that carried the message without any messy accusations. If we can provide tomorrow’s ideas, we are ahead of everyone else.

All that remained was to cut unnecessary words. ‘…for your business’ could be dropped into the tagline without losing any meaning.

I hurriedly emailed around the new value proposition, knowing that objections at this stage could be disastrous. The answers came back. They loved it. It was snappy, short and clean while implying far more in a few words than any of the longer phrases ever managed.

It was done. It was signed off. And the main line was only four words long.

”Tomorrow’s online ideas – today.”

”Find a fresher online idea for your business elsewhere anad we’ll improve it.”

Return next Wednesday for the final part – Selling the Line.

All the articles in the series can be found here.

• Part One – Customer Perception
• Part Two – A Point of Difference
• Part Three – Quantify and Qualify
• Part Four – Crafting the Language
• Part Five - Selling the Line

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